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Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God
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Wednesday, 08 February 2006 |
 Perth Glory owner Nick Tana has filed a missing persons report on defender David Tarka who hasn't been seen in over 3 years. Tarka was last noticed in 2003 when he was signed by Nottingham Forest after a successful season with Perth Glory in the NSL. Many doubted that the central defender was still living after he made zero appearances in his 3 year spell at the club although in 2005 it was reported by various sections of the media that he was signed by his former club Perth Glory. These allegations from the press appear to be inaccurate as he hasn't been seen in their starting xi all season. The disappearance of David Tarka has left many baffled which is why Nick Tana phoned authorities to put the matter to rest; "I was wondering around the training pitch the other day and couldn't find him. I thought maybe we had sold him to Nottingham Forest but then I remembered we signed him again. Then I thought we released him but I got confused with Steve McMahon. I do know he is real. That's for sure. I have a photo of him. I just can't find it. Well I'm pretty sure he's real. Not real like Santa Claus, real real. He'll turn up. Hopefully." Authorities are hopeful of finding Tarka alive & well and will begin searching rural bushland in the early hours of tomorrow morning. If you have any information on the whereabouts of David Tarka, no matter how trivial, please contact either your local police station or phone the National Missing Persons Unit on 1800 000 634. Name: TARKA, David
Date Of Birth: February 10, 1983
Hair: Unknown
Eyes: Unknown
Build: Unknown
Height: Unknown
Circumstances: Tarka was last seen on April 30th 2003 in the Nottingham Forest starting XI riding an Iraqi Weapon of Mass Destruction to a sold out Milton Keyes Stadium where he watched an Oscar award winning Jennifer Lopez film. |
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Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God
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Monday, 06 February 2006 |
 Labinot Haliti has stated that many Queensland Roar strikers would love to have his shots on target ratio. The Kosovo war criminal who immigrated to Australia 6 years ago to avoid prosecution, has made 11 shots on target in 19 appearances according to the a-league website but he remains adamant; “It’s not that bad. Honestly. Like, I scored against the Knights, like twice. How many people have done that against them? Like, whatever, I would be like the marquee player if I was playing for Queensland.” In other news, Miron Bleiberg has admitted that Queensland Roar's Feng Shui locker room experiment didn't work. "It didn't work," said Bleiberg. |
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Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God
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Wednesday, 01 February 2006 |
 Reinaldo Elias da Costa has outraged his native homeland by turning his back on Brazil to represent the Socceroos. Reinaldo Elias da Costa told the a-league website; "I’d love to get an Australian citizenship and play for the Socceroos some time. It is like an improved version of Brazil." Brazilian coach Carlos Alberto Parreira was naturally outraged that the former Cruzeiro & PSV Eindhoven striker had abandon his roots with the World Cup only months away; "Australia with the help of his girlfriend Daniela Cicarelli and the Vatican have brainwashed Renaldo. I can't believe Renaldo would turn his back on his country like this. Just because he isn't in the starting eleven frame at this moment doesn't mean we don't want him anymore. As soon as he picks up his form at Real Madrid he would be back in contention. We will take this up with FIFA to stop this from happening. I have even thought about killing an Australian in revenge." Brazilian enthusiast Craig Foster said he was overcome with emotions when he heard the former World Player of the Year's decision; "I'm still moist from hearing Reinaldo's comments. I can't wait to see him line up for Australia against Brazil in the World Cup with Fernando Rech by his side. But we need to emulate the Brazilians more. Our jerseys should look more like there's. We should move from Oceania and into CONMEBOL. Instead of playing our home fixtures in London, we should play them at the Maracanã. It's time for a revolution, not an evolution Mr. Lowy." Reinaldo joins a long list of foreigners that have been poached by the Socceroos which include Mark Viduka, Zeljko Kalac, The Ned Zelic, Josip Skoko and Tony Popovic from Croatia, Vince Grella and Marco Bresciano from Italy, Mark Schwarzer from Germany, Ahmad Elrich from Lebanon, Archie Thompson from New Zealand, Harry Kewell from England and Tim Cahill from Samoa. Robbie Slater refused to comment on the situation because he had lost his piece of paper. |
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