Con Boutsianis was framed! Brett Holman: Australia’s Greatest Disappointment since Max Vieri | Brett Holman: Australia’s Greatest Disappointment since Max Vieri |
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| Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God | |
| Sunday, 01 June 2008 | |
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As everyone knows I’m not a fan of the delete key. I have nothing to hide and besides, its just a device for indecisive cowards who are too afraid to speak their mind. I don’t even believe in proof reading my articles as everything I write comes from the heart and I don’t want to filter that down with interference from the brain but you, the readers, appreciate the rawness of this even if there is the odd missing comma here and the occasional non-existent word there. Now I don’t want to sacrifice my readership (ie dom and david) by pretending to care about the Socceroos clash on Sunday. While sure, it would be worth noting that Pim is still trying to push Australian football to its death with his fabrication that Harry Kewell has a role within the Socceroos other than to absorb the ejaculation from various Channel 9 personalities. It’s also worth noting that we are now in a 3 day mourning period for the respectability of the Socceroo brand which was tragically taken away from us as Pim was actually dense enough to call up Matt Simon into the national team training squad. And yes, it most probably important to mention that the Flukeroos must have a billion 4-leave clovers the way they have been riding their luck but right now, I just can‘t pretend to care about Sunday’s attempts to bore the opposition into submission with Pim’s 5-5-0 formation or whatever the fuck it was as I am too enraged at the existence of Brett Holman in this world. Brett Holman is a prime example of how all the talented anglos are out playing AFL while soccer gets stuck with the Brett Holmans. Brett Holman, jesuschrist, he makes Reinaldo look like Ronaldinho and makes Zinedine Zidane look like a retarded Zdrilic. That might seem like a contradiction but his suckiness is so phenomenal that it defies the laws of physics. I guess it’s a bit harsh saying that he was a disappointment last Sunday as he is thought of so lowly that the only expectations people placed on him was that he could tie his shoelaces without drowning. Brett may have only been limited to a handful of minutes but anyone with a basic understanding of how the game of soccer works could have seen that Terry Schiavo would have been a more effective substitution. Brad Halman was just so crap on Sunday that I refuse to even spell his name correctly anymore. Bjork Holmen is like a neverending blowjob from someone who has a fork for a tongue, in that he sucks and sucks  and sucks but there is never a happy ending. I have more respect for Pim’s hairdresser than I do for Buck Hulman at this very moment. Fuck you Brett. You’re the type of player who make cancer patients who have just relapsed from chemotherapy, look in the mirror and ask themselves ‘Why does god hate me?’My hands are still trembling from watching Brett’s performance against Iraq which was so terrible that it has received widespread condemnation from the world leaders. With the Socceroos seemingly coasting to another 3 points, Pim thought that what Australia needed for the last half hour of the game was a lack of stability and outright panic on the field so he threw on Bart Holman to ensure this was effectively achieved. Within minutes Holman found himself in a position to double Australia’s lead but unfortunately for us fans, Brett handles pressure as well as Cher handles aging and found the stress of being unmarked on the corner of the six-yard box too much for him to cope with as he smacked the ball into the outer side netting although knowing Holman, it was probably an attempted backpass. Moments later he showed us the composure of a premature ejaculator in the bedroom as he made a run down the sideline which resulted in the Iraqi defence leaving Bruce Djite unmarked in the penalty area yet instead of passing to him, Holman opted for the option where I throw projected missiles at his head. Then Brett brought forward shame to the entire nation as he channelled in to Patrick Kisnorbo, who we found out was with us in eternal spirit, by replicating kisnooboh.gif; an incident so embarrassing that I hope The AFC kicks Australia out of Asia because of it. Fucking hell Brett, the only thing we want you to emulate of Patrick Kisnorbo is the being injured for 6 months, making you ineligible for selection. And why the fuck does your back have a better first touch than your right foot? Jesus, you are terrible. ###################### Intermission ####################### During the break of this article, perhaps you would like to reintroduce yourself to Brett Holman’s finishing 
########################################################His performance against Iraq was right up there with Glitter, Speed 2 and the Nick Berg Beheading Video in terms of how difficult it was to watch and one must question the mental stability of Pim Verbeek for continually selecting him for the national team despite how many effigies of Brett’s likeness the fans burn. Pim, why do you choose Brett Holman to be your illegitimate love child when there are guys like Scott Balderson, an Aussie who plays reserve team football for Stevenage Borough in the English Conference, who would make an ever ideal replacement for Brett Holman as his name doesn’t contain the terms “Brett Holman” in it. With Brett’s numerous inclusions to the national team yet Jamie Harnwell’s continued blacklisting from the Socceroos, international football itself is becoming a farce. I presume Pim falls into the small group of fans that still blindly defend Holman’s actions and treat him as an optical illusion as they deceive the mind into believing that the Brett that got hit in the back with a soccer ball on Sunday is the same Brett who tore the Chinese defence into pieces of confetti back in 2007. Yes, I will concede that he isn’t as bad as Auschwitz I guess (you can put that on your resume, Brett, if you want) but is Pim really too hopped up on painkillers to feel the grief that we all feel whenever Holman steps onto the pitch? In  closing, this sport is farked and you’re all farked for continuing to support it when AFL is striving across the world.            
Lying Truth wrote on June 02, 2008
Title: ...
The Australian Rules Dodgeball League. (TARD-League)
Established 2007 by the least honourable G Arnold.
|| Lying Truth wrote on
June 02, 2008
SpakFilla wrote on June 03, 2008
Title: ...
Someone should plant something in Holmans bag before they fly to Doha or whatever sandnigga hole in the middle of the desert which has somehow received the Asian geograhical location. Farks sake Mohammered Bin Liner those shitty countries are not Asia, you just wanted their oil money you greedy infidel cunt. Anyway someone should plant something in Holmans boogie board & fuck him up Schapelle Stupid style. The man is a pustule on the supermodel that is New Australian Football. Where the ethnics are gone & so are the Pumpkin Seed Eaters. In conclusion get fucked JayFC.
website || SpakFilla wrote on
June 03, 2008
SpakFilla wrote on June 03, 2008
Title: ...
I apologise for my use of the word 'nigga' which may offend. In redemption I am posting the lyrics to a NWA song which if you change the words around can be directed at Brett ' I am fucking shit & always will be fucking shit ' Holman. Well kind of not at all really. Now I was at a club on a late late sunday Peepin' at the bitches 'till the next day monday Had a couple of drinks, so I was feeling good And suddenly I saw this bitch who lives in my neighborhood She went to church every week so now I locked her She was at the end of the bar gettin' fucked up Back at the house she was bitch n' be ignorin' And when she start to talk the ho' was kinda borin' Yo, but now I got to dawn, see Now she's dancin' on the floor with a skirt and no panties on Shakin' that ass like a salt shaker I already got my plans - Just while I'm a take her to a room But yo I mean a rest room And stick my dick in her mouth like a wet broom So I grabbed her hand and she's with it Oh and when she turned sobber should'nt have had admit it So while she's dropped I'd better get it quick And see for myself if she sucks a good dick ..
website || SpakFilla wrote on
June 03, 2008
Biggie Smalls wrote on June 04, 2008
Title: ...
Big up, big up, its a stick up, stick up
And Im shooting niggaz quick if you hiccup Dont let me fill my clip up in your back and head piece The opposite of peace sending mom duke a wreath Youre talking to the robbery expert Stepping to your wake with your blood on my shirt Dont be a jerk and get smoked over being resistant cos when I lick shots the shits is persistent Huh, goodness gracious the papers Where the cash at? where the stash at? Nigga, pass that before you get your grave dug From the main thug, .357 slug And my nigga biggie got an itchy one grip One in the chamber, 32 in the clip Motherfuckers better strip, yeah nigga peel Before you find out how blue steel feel From the beretta, putting all the holes in your sweater The money getter motherfuckers dont have better Rolex watches and colourful swatches Im digging in pockets, motherfuckers cant stop it Man, niggaz come through Im taking high school rings too Bitches get stripped down for they earrings and bangles And when I rock her and drop her Im taking her door knockers And if shes resistant baka! baka! baka! So go get your man bitch he can get robbed too Tell him biggie took it, what the fuck he gonna do? I hope apologetic or Im a have to set it And if I set it the cocksucker wont forget it
website || Biggie Smalls wrote on
June 04, 2008
Lying Truth wrote on June 08, 2008
Title: ...
Might have to upgrade your server with all the great Lolman footage arriving weekly to our tv screens. You won't have much space left by the end of the month.
|| Lying Truth wrote on
June 08, 2008
Holman must give good head wrote on June 09, 2008
Title: ...
So he misses that one on one with the Iraqi keeper. Stupid farkface moron. Perhaps the annoying constant wail of that Arab music or whatever the fuck it was distracted him. Or maybe he is just shit. Perhaps he is allowing Graham Arnold to bugger him nightly whilst in camp. I cannot think of any other explanation as to his continued presence in the national team.
|| Holman must give good head wrote on
June 09, 2008
holman rocks wrote on June 13, 2008
Title: ...
yeah, he has a panic attack every time he tries to shoot, but he`s the only socceroo with the ability to get into a decent scoring position, and then waste it.
we aren`t bagging how bad the other players shooting is, cos they didn`t take any shots.
website || holman rocks wrote on
June 13, 2008
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