Con Boutsianis was framed! Another Brett Holman article? Boy howdy am I diverse! | Another Brett Holman article? Boy howdy am I diverse! |
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| Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God | |
| Tuesday, 17 June 2008 | |
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I keep refreshing facesofdeath.com but alas to my disappointment, photos of Brett Holman have yet to show up on there. If I ever see that faggot on the street, my hand will become a tenant and his teeth will get evicted. I will turn that slap jawed, goof troop looking, westie wannabe fuckhead into a 6 feet deep southie by putting in him a position where he’s gurgling flower roots & becoming best friends with earthworms and it‘s all because of what happened during the last national team fixture. Last Sunday, my eyes were bludgeoned by witnessing Brett's anglo corpse rot in the middle of a Doha pitch and sure, logically, he shouldn't have been involved in this game after his 13th consecutive shithouse performance for the Socceroos but Pim is as logical as a monk packing heat so when we heard in the pre-game show that Brett was going to start against Qatar, we all waited in anticipation to see what condensed form of retardation he would do that will be converted into an animated gif come the morning after. I’m going to be honest with you. Brett could score a hat trick in the World Cup final, cure AIDS, change the earth's gravitational pull and solve a Rubik’s Cube but I still wouldn’t be happy with him as his past performances have left me so emotionally scarred that the only time I will truly be happy with Holman is when I hear the sounds of him choking on his own curdling blood and while that comment will get me blacklisted from a few babysitting jobs, I just can't help to sound like I’m Charlie Manson's ghostwriter when talking about Brett as his previous performances have broken me. Now you are most likely saying “But Jason, Brett had 3 assists and got hit in the back by a soccer ball zero times on Sunday. Surely you can concede that any criticism isn’t warranted?” Fuck off its not warranted! Brett has an important role within the Socceroos and if he keeps having performances like he did on Sunday, he will risk losing his place in the team completely. That important role I am talking about is the position of a scapegoat. The scapegoat is the most important role of any team, belittling the position of a captain and even the coach, as it is solely responsible for the karma amongst the squad. The scapegoat is a vigorous and demanding role where the player in question must bare the brunt of the fans’ disappointments and unachieved expectations as we keep our unnurtured minds happy by opting to abuse the fall boy rather than concede typical facts like the non-existent creativity in the midfield, lacklustre tactics and outright denial of the quality of the opposition. What people don’t realize is how a scapegoat can be utilized as a wonderful tool for diversion. While Pim’s tactical flaws are blooming, his experience in overwhelming situations cannot be matched and this was on full display during the last Iraqi encounter. Pim opted for the identical game plan that Australia used against the same opposition back in the 2007 Asian Cup of sitting back to conserve energy and like in that ill fated game, it backfired almost instantly. Pim knew that he was going to cop a battering from the fans and journalists alike but he had the wildcard known as Brett Holman warming the bench. Pim was well aware that Australia couldn't salvage a point from this dreaded game and to avoid criticism, he threw on Holman to divert attention onto Brett’s inability and to soften his fall from grace. Within 20 seconds of being subbed on, Brett had a chance to level the score after finding himself in a one on one position with the goalie but struck his shot with so much force that it wouldn’t even topple a house of cards. He then went about doing his usual Holman things which alongside with our expectations being crushed, propelled Brett into the pinnacle of scapegoat status, proving Pim as the master tactician as he fell asleep to the sound of thousands of internet warriors across the world smashing their keyboard away, making numerous death threats at the Holland based striker rather than rushing to register on the nearest Sack Pim petition. Its power-plays like this that kept him employed with the South American heavyweights, Netherlands Antilles for so long. You see, Pim has been grooming young Brett for the role of a scapegoat throughout the whole World Cup qualification campaign and he’s been striving under the guidance of Graham Arnold and Verbeek to master this position, which has given his career a new breath of life. Let’s jump into the Delorean and look back at our World Cup quest for a moment. The Qatar game saw a dominant opening half from Australia fail to even remotely be replicated as the Slackeroos struggled to string together 3 whole passes without the ball being intercepted, suggesting serious problems with the stamina & endurance of the players but that fact was stricken from the record as Pim threw on Holman to smokescreen this reality so we could be reminded that Brett couldn’t finish a connect the dots drawing if there were only two dots to connect. In the China fixture, they may have well played this game with only one goalpost as Australia had clearly no intention of even glancing over to the Chinese penalty box yet alone attacking it but as our teeth were being grounded to a fine powder of dust by Pim’s ever questionable tactics, he was wise enough to throw Brett on early and like a moth to light, us fans were too consumed with our overall hatred for Brett that we lost focus to the point where we couldn’t even remember the name of the opposition playing. And as for the Suncorp clash with Iraq, honestly, who of us can even remember anything other than that fuckhead being hit in the back with a soccer ball? I can feel the blood clotting in my eyelid just from remembering that ever cringe-worthy incident. That incident alone caused more pants shitting than a buffet of metamucil-spiced beef vindaloo, expired baked beans and a side of oysters that had been left out in the sun for the past 6 hours. However, last Sunday, the moons aligned to create the sight of a semi-competent Brett Holman being displayed in Doha. The problem with this however is if Brett keeps playing well, his position in the national team will be under threat as it is a well known fact that it’s taboo to play well in the Socceroos’ midfield which is why the likes of Nicky Carle, Scott Chipperfield and Richard Garcia have been banished from the starting xi. Sadly, we are too far down the track to discover a new scapegoat. If Brett starts playing well, who will we fall back on to endure our angst? North would be ideal backup as he is as stable in the defence as a Jenga Tower being played with by a guy with Parkinson’s Disease but Jade has a card up his sleeve; the race card to be precise so us fans would be reluctant to insult him in fear that we are committing a hate crime. Mark Bridge has the potential to become the David Zdrilic of the 2000’s but lol, remember that time he committed that atrocious airswing against Ghana? There wasn’t even one single 30 page thread about this incident on any forum across the internet which would have been the norm for a scapegoat with that of Brett’s pedigree, so it’s pretty clear that he isn’t ready to fill his shoes just yet. There’s also the man they call Archie, who is so intelligent that he once started a forest fire by trying to button up his shirt, lurking on the sidelines to cost us various World Cups but he is just too adorable for us to ever stay mad at, no matter how many airswings he does inside the six yard box. As you can see, if Brett continues this fad of playing well, he will leave us in a difficult situation where we have to swallow our pride and call up the likes of Labinot Haliti, who is busy following in Hitler’s footsteps of bombing in Poland, to become our new scapegoat or even worse, Michael Baird. Brett, don’t let our national team sink to these ever newer lows. This is a heartfelt plea for you to remember your role within the Socceroos. We are going to be facing off against some very difficult opposition in the next stage of World Cup qualification and we need you to bring the suck or else we may start to notice that Pim is almost as incompetent as his barber. So Brett, lets just pretend that this “incident” on Sunday didn’t happen and try to pretend that things are the same as they always were, with you putting in a performance against China that warrants yourself to be compared with Massimiliano Vieri or other various war-crime atrocities. Thanks in Advance, Your Best Buddy Jase             
holman rocks more that i do wrote on June 18, 2008
Title: ...
you can`t rely on one guy to fill a position anymore ... see viduka (the only striker), kewell (the only winger). he`ll either get fat, crocked, or maybe even stay half decent.
so who are the young (or not so young) talent who can fill the scapegoat position? milligan looks a likely bet. he`s got potential (which he won`t meet), he plays well every couple of games (which makes him even more frustrating). kisnorbeauchamp. either one will do. nuff said. stuart musialak. personal problems. an ugly mug. a worse grin. dark rumours. some talent. just wait for him to get a chance at the top level, and stuff it up.
website || holman rocks more that i do wrote on
June 18, 2008
j a y f c wrote on June 18, 2008
Title: ...
Kisnorbo & Beauchump are our best backups for the scapegoat but we already saw the bleeding hearts come out for Kisnorbo when he stuffed up his knee, so one torn hamstring or a broken pinkey and we'll see Michael get onside with the fans again thanks to our goldfish-like memory banks.
Milligan, Musialik, [[generic kid with pace in the a-league that is being likened to a random european athelete they will never coming close to emulating]] are all in theory ideal `goats but the longer they are based in Australia, the more and more outrageous the hype for them will become which in turn means no valid criticism is ever placed against them as we want to believe. We want to believe that the a-league is producing the stars of tomorrow. Case in point, Nathan Burns. I just hope Pim is smart enough to blood a few donkeys for the next game. We really are lacking depth in that area.
website || j a y f c wrote on
June 18, 2008
TwoBlueCrew (co-member) wrote on June 22, 2008
Title: ...
I think tonight against China we will really see the possible candidates for the new scapegoat position. Pim is giving a young sqaud the chance to fuckup in front of a massive audience and consolidate their position as the future as Socceroo scapegoat. This is their big chance to fuck up, and it is up to them to take it.
I hear Djite will start, but he has been talked up by Jaza and friends to God-like status and he is also black so that pretty much rules him out. Topor Stanley is just too shit for international football, and the position of scapegoat requires just the right balance of skill and fuckups to warrant consistent selection but at the same time take all the blame. If Topor Stanley becomes a consistent Socceroo then more questions will start to be asked of Pim, which is exactly what he doesn't want. Maybe Carl Valeri or Troisi? Actually neither of them do anything let alone fuck up, so they are probably ruled out. Anyway, Holman will do as scapegoat for a while, but its positive that Pim wants to give the youngsters a chance tonight to give himself more possible scapegoat options for the future.
|| TwoBlueCrew (co-member) wrote on
June 22, 2008
Green Noise wrote on June 22, 2008
Title: ...
"Boy Howdy"
website || Green Noise wrote on
June 22, 2008
jafyc wrote on June 22, 2008
Title: ...
"Green Noise"
|| jafyc wrote on
June 22, 2008
could zadkovich be the next holman? wrote on June 22, 2008
Title: ...
ruben could be a bolter to become holman`s understudy.
beats his man (or tries to), then runs down a blind alley or crosses into the crowd ... he could have that holmanesque ability to do something right, then make you forget that by doing something really wrong. we need to get this position right. if we don`t then thin skin pim is gonna use 8 defenders every game ... hell, hasn`t he got two holding midfielders lined up for this game? has he watched the chinese play?
website || could zadkovich be the next holman? wrote on
June 22, 2008
Lying Truth wrote on June 23, 2008
Title: ...
But Lolman was shit against Qatar. Any keeper from Oceania islands would have read that chip comming over to Emerton and come out and take the ball.
I'll admit he wasn't the worst player at that game the Qutar keeper just pipped him. I see no hope. Mind you I saw Zadkovic and Petkovic play last night. The Socceroos shirt is meaningless now. (Mind you I first said that when Paul Wade got capped, this was before the internet kids).
|| Lying Truth wrote on
June 23, 2008
Fark that cocksucker Zadkovic wrote on June 25, 2008
Title: ...
What I really want is an article tearing shreds of that fucking piece of shit Zadkovich who is an insult to football & to all of humanity at large. Mr FC, do it as we can give the Holman hate a brief respite for the moment anyway. Did you see his fucking shaved head on Saturday? Was he trying to fool the 69,500 n00bs who bought the tickets when the soccerwhos were popular that he was that Italian bloke with the choko name Bresh-ee-ar-no. Regardless of his butt ugly appearance his playing style,technique,kicking,passing, organisation & general hygiene were absymal & frankly we should have played in Bali so he could be prosecuted & sent to the firing squad after a Hotman Paris Schappellle ' im a fucking guilty bogan skank slut ' Corby showtrial where Australia gets to vote whether he gets the death penalty via SMS poll.
If that stupid Oranje faggot Pim Dim Sim ever puts a team full of tripe like that again I am going to start watching Rugby League as Sunday nights game whether LOLMAN was in it or not was an abnomination. In closing an article about Zadkid the Zoology exhibit please ( fark knows what that means I just like the alliteration ) p.s The Cove used to like this Fuckwit. Remember that. But their football judgment sucks balls after spending hours expending semen off Football Manager & pretending they can apply those scenarios in real life.
|| Fark that cocksucker Zadkovic wrote on
June 25, 2008
you better wrote on July 01, 2008
Title: ...
you better write somthing about the china game or else you are a coward
website || you better wrote on
July 01, 2008
jay wrote on July 02, 2008
Title: ...
i am not coward
website || jay wrote on
July 02, 2008
I LIKE RAPE wrote on July 11, 2008
Title: ...
RAPE ENTERS
website || I LIKE RAPE wrote on
July 11, 2008
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