Con Boutsianis was framed! Socceroos V China - The five stages of grief | Socceroos V China - The five stages of grief |
|
|
| Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God | |
| Tuesday, 01 July 2008 | |
|
Denial
Soccer’s shame is still being felt around the country today after Wednesday’s night clash between Blacktown City and Sydney FC where The Cove, who clearly weren’t content enough with bringing the game into disrepute after their rioting in Melbourne last year, dragged soccer back into the dark ages with another gutless incident that has brought embarrassment to the whole footballing fraternity. I didn’t think soccer in this country could stoop to even lower levels after Joel Griffiths homoerotic attack on a linesmen’s genitalia, Danny Vukovic’s mauling of Mark Shield’s palm and Ljubo Milosevic not eating his breakfast, yet here we are. Fuck you Cove! Josh Massoud should castrate all you fuckheads for what you did and don‘t you think for a second that I am just going to sit here and let this get swept under the carpet. You fucken gutless little hooligans. How dare you! How dare you act like you did that ill-fated night. That night where you pushed a humble Irish pop star to breaking point by saying disgusting things that I shouldn’t entertain you with by repeating yet am compelled to tell you for full disclosure. I was surprised that you little muppets could even chant those despicable words towards Brian McFadden as you’re all normally too busy polishing Walter Bugno’s knob to the point you can see your own reflection on it. With relations between Australia and Ireland already being so strained, did you think that likening Brian to a poor man’s Peter Andre would do anything other than further blight our image over there? For shame, The Cove. For shame. Oh what? You want to read some rehashed generic vitriol about that dead rubber featuring our ‘in-case-of-emergency’ players from the other day? Man, what’s the point? Honestly, we all know Pim has poor tactics and an even poorer hairdresser but why try and overthink a game featuring a team that will never be assembled again at a senior level? Look, I’ve managed to link Jesse Fink with our Asian Cup elimination, formed a connection between the FFA and Atheism but forging a link between the Socceroos performance and me giving a shit is just too unfathomable.Anger
You know, I could just nitpick through the China game, belittling the efforts of the players while spouting off typical internet warrior threats to further boost my ego but I am above that... Hang on, no I‘m not! Where to start with the criticism? I didn’t think it was possible that such terrible football could be played without Branko Culina present. You can usually get a good gauge of how bad a Socceroo game is by the number of times Kewell throws a hissy fit after the referee refuses to send off an opposing player for using his foot and against China, Kewell had more hands-on-hip tantrums than completed passes. You know what else is a good gauge on detecting crapness in football games? The number of Ruben Zadkovichs on the pitch. If there’s more than zero, you’re guaranteed some cavity-defiling football. Fuck you Ruben Zadkovich. I'm handsome and yet you somehow play football for a club that people don't need the assistance of google to know of it. The fact is that on Sunday, you bombed worse than Hiroshima so consider yourself lucky that I let you leave the stadium with your jaw line intact. As for Michael Petkovic, it’s nice to see that being a pathetic loser is hereditary in your family. Jade North, your dick‘s so small that you can get tittyfucked by an A-cup. David Williams, you look like you learnt your first touch from Nikolai Topor Stanley. Carl Valeri, you have been called the long term solution for the defensive midfielder role but I wouldn’t care if you’re a mormon, you will never come close to knocking on the door of the starting xi as our national team will never be that bad. Mile Jedinak, your passing is about as accurate as the US information on Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction. Marco Bresciano, it took me four whole days until I realised that you weren‘t playing in this game which is a great sign of your influence in recent times. Also, congratulations Kristian Sarkies on Football Manager winning you another cap. And Nikolai Topor-Stanley, motherfucker, I am responsible for more tooth loss than meth so if you put in another performance like that again, mate, gone. You know who else can get fucked? Canberra! The nation’s capital has been doing a fantastic job in embarrassing football in this country recently and this was highlighted during the China fixture. The AIS was threatening to sue Spiranovic for the money spent to fund his scholarship at the prestigious academy if he chose to represent Croatia but apparently, Matty is a bit of a tight ass so now the Socceroos have another mediocre defender who can't cope with a degree of pressure to help our quest of failing to qualify for another World Cup. Is Canberra sick of ruining our national team yet? This faggot excuse of a town, which if it didn't store our geriatric politicians for a few weeks a year would be under consideration to become a storage site for nuclear waste, has given us Topor-Stanley, Ontong and Patafta plus they were responsible for developing Ned Zelic, who obviously being surrounded with the excessive amounts of legalized fireworks and double penetration porn, developed his ego which if it wasn't of such epic proportions, would have seen him suck up his pride and never walked out on the Socceroos meaning we would have qualified for the South Korea/Japan in 2002, meaning we would still have Soccer Australia in charge, meaning we wouldn't be over-obsessed with our fetish for unattractive and untalented Dutch coaches, meaning a whole lot of other positives too. Fuck off Canberra. Whores.Bargaining
The thing that brews so much resentment amongst fans about Pim is how he taunts us with playing such attractive football to start his reign in the national team yet like a saddist, refuses to give us the pleasure of ever remotely replicate anything like it. It’s just that whenever the Socceroos play nowadays, they are like a compass with no hands the way lack direction. Actually, that’s a lie, they do have direction. That direction is south on the FIFA world rankings charts. The point is, Pim, I’m sure you would like to go at least one whole game without us fans expressing our desire to see the outline of your body in chalk on the street asphalt and for this to be achieved, you must address the burning issue that is your hair. Sure, playing attacking football could sway us over but we are too engrossed with your forehead declaring war on your scalp, as it has begun seizing enemy territories. Now obviously, nowadays, there is a lot of condemnation for men to improve the look of their hair as their manliness comes under question as they get clichéd as a cannibal Warsaw resident (or a pole eater if you will) but look, right now, your head is a fence-sitter as it can’t decide whether it wants to go bald gracefully or try and pad out a few more years of denial with combovers and whatnot. Pim, surely you must know that hairstyles will never reach such a terrible state where having hair shaped in the M-letter will ever be fashionable. It’s time to concede that you’ve reached the stage of an Advance Hair before shot and there is no magical way you can part your fringe that will get you removed from uglyfootballers.com. So knowing this, we plead with you, for the greater good, to get yourself a subscription for a batch of Rogaine or the very least, start experimenting with some toupees so the reflective shine from the bald spots on your head doesn‘t distract players like Brett Holman from losing sight of the ball as it hits himself in the back.Depression
Sadly, a week later and the reality of the situation starts to sink in. That we will never see attractive football played outside of the Socceroos spiritual home, Craven Cottage. That we have to desensitize ourselves to the excuse that the pitch was the “reason” as to our sub par performances and not the incompetent coaching. That due to our dire displays during the qualification campaign, when it’s time for our final World Cup qualifier, Qantas will hold back on sending John Travolta as their ambassador to boost moral amongst the camp and will send Horshack instead. That as soon as the Socceroos continue their fine tradition of choking and fail to qualify for the World Cup, that match fees at junior level will jump so high that you will have to pull out a second mortgage just to pay them. That the Socceroos failure to qualify will mean that they will have more free time to make terrible Weet-Bix ads. It’s hard to get motivated about soccer anymore knowing the bleak future that is rapidly heading to our shores and its all because of Pim Verbeek’s backwards tactics, which are only ultimately setting us up for failure. Soon, soccer in country will return to its normal degenerative state as Pim scares away the heart and soul of the Socceroos, ie, the Fanatics, as they are only accepting of Lleyton Hewitt not meeting their expectations. As The Fanatics abandon our national team, we will see the return of those filthy dirty wogs sneaking in through the cracks, meaning our sidelines will become the victims as often-heard terrace lingo such as “blimey” & “struth” will be replaced with “δέσμη” & “Benito Mussolini”, the humble flanno & thongs will be replaced with turbans & lederhosen and the traditional sounds of ambient euro trance music filtering through the ground’s P.A. system will be replaced with the more traditional sounds of various anglos having their skulls smashed into the concrete by lebos. You may as well start digging the hole for the coffin of Australian football as Pim Verbeek’s is doing everything in his power to send it to the morgue.Acceptance
I’ve yet to reach this stage yet although I will accept your letter of resignation, Pim, at any given time.             
aktifmag wrote on July 07, 2008
Title: ...
Fuck, i went to thi smatch, the only time I've fucked off at half time. Woke up in Redfern in the train yard with a cleaner shaking me.
I was just happy to be away from the match.
|| aktifmag wrote on
July 07, 2008
Lying Truth wrote on July 07, 2008
Title: ...
Why would you not want football in Australia to return back to it's wog roots Jason?
You saying you did not have a good time when Labozetta was in charge. For shame. I thought you better than that.
|| Lying Truth wrote on
July 07, 2008
Pathetic wrote on July 22, 2008
Title: ...
" As The Fanatics abandon our national team, we will see the return of those filthy dirty wogs sneaking in through the cracks, meaning our sidelines will become the victims as often-heard terrace lingo such as “blimey” & “struth” will be replaced with “δέσμη” & “Benito Mussolini”, the humble flanno & thongs will be replaced with turbans & lederhosen and the traditional sounds of ambient euro trance music filtering through the ground’s P.A. system will be replaced with the more traditional sounds of various anglos having their skulls smashed into the concrete by lebos. "
This last paragraph has sent me gasping with pleasure. JayFC, you have tapped into the dark soul of every effnik football fan who feels that the Cove is some sort of fucking stupid nerd transpotter brigade, looking at those fuckwits in the flesh makes me giggle incessantly at their lack of pherenomes & lack of any sort of virility or 'choko' toughness whatsoever. And why is this so I hear you all gasp? BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING STUPID NERD ANGLO SKIPS. You write the last paragraph like its a bad thing? When the West Sydney team comes in ( God Willing May That Be Soon , me & Pope are already in discussion ) it is preordained that the SCC will be co-opted & turned into a more violent, less kiddy inclined group & will be set loose on the 'The Nerds' that reside in Bay23 like the Serbs on the Croatians ( top effnik reference eh eh? ). When this occurs the 'good old days' will be back with a vengenance. And because we have the CASH of Franky the Worlds Best Tax Evader & News Limited we will have Carte Blanche to pillage because the media won't dare touch us any more. HAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH Parking was ample.
website || Pathetic wrote on
July 22, 2008
|
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|