Con Boutsianis was framed! The Disappointments of the A-League: Part 2 of 500 | The Disappointments of the A-League: Part 2 of 500 |
|
|
| Written by JayFC The Internet Warrior God | |
| Friday, 04 July 2008 | |
|
In recent times, the game of soccer has been in a steady decline in the respectability department due to the game being overrun with sissies, nut touchers and butt stuffers. However in 2005, there was one man ready to realign the game of soccer with the Y-chromosome and that man was Mateo Corbo. Corbo has been awarded the a-league’s balliest player 3 years in a row which is just a testament as to how huge his balls are as he hasn’t even played in the a-league for the past 2 seasons. Mateo was the quintessential of manliness but unfortunately, he was cursed to be born after the 1940’s meaning his brilliant yet unique style of play would never be fully appreciated by the uneducated public. If only he were a player of the sixties, he’d be one of those fine athletes that your grandfather would tell you about for hours in unquestionable awe. Regardless, he deserves an honourable tribute to his contribution to this sport and today, he will finally receive his due recognition for his outstanding achievements. Corbo didn’t have the traditional upbringing of a modern footballer of day spas, exfoliating loofah scrubs and mud baths; he was raised on the mean streets of Montevideo where he had to smuggle glocks, hustle rock and make bitches walk the block in a polka dot halter top all before his balls had dropped. Now even though this upbringing would have seen him better suited to a career in politics, he opted to pursue his dream of becoming the balliest soccer player ever. Corbo initially plied his trade in his hometown but unfortunately, the only way the Uruguayan public could ever desensitize themselves to Corbo’s roughhouse approach is if they watched the Nick Berg beheading video on loop in prime time every weekday for 3 hours straight for the rest of their lives. Soon, Mateo was forced into exile to avoid all the civil cases being filed against him for grievous bodily harm due to his vicious conduct on the field and sought a new start in Spain, however, within minutes of stepping upon his new country, he managed to get a fatwa placed on his head. This saw him move to England but unfortunately over there, they like their footballers to be so pussy that they come with a menstrual cycle so unsurprisingly, Corbo was again the victim of the modern antifootball mindset. He then went on to Paraguay but again a similar story followed. It seemed like the only place where Corbo’s aggressive approach would be accepted was inside the gates of Hades. Things were going bad for Mateo. Even though he was so hard that they were thinking of renaming Viagra after him, it was hindering him from gaining fulltime employment. Luckily, as he was pondering his future, a man named Richard Money threw him a lifeline by offering a position to smash the fuck out of untalented anglos in Australia. During his time down under, some fans were critical of his ability, most notably their disapproval of him never tracking back despite being a defender but he didn’t believe in tracking back as he didn’t want to disrupt his train of thought on who he would fight next. Oh, did I mention that he enjoyed the occasion biff? Well you should have realised that when I made reference that he was bringing manliness back to the game of soccer. Yes, the only thing that was more often seen at EnergyAustralia Stadium besides the sight of Newcastle never meeting expectations was the sight of Corbo shattering some random pleb’s jaw before making numerous throat slitting gestures to random pregnant women in the crowd. Mateo had no hesitations on becoming the law as he used his fists as tools of justice. In fact, numerous times during his stay in Australia, players wanted to test the legitimacy of the size of his balls by attempting to start a ruckus with him but Corbo would waste no time by slapping them so hard that they would do a 180 like darts, hit the floor quicker than being gagged with chloroform and get to taste test the turf as they wheezed loudly with their vain attempts to regain their breath. One time, I did this quiz on behalf of Matteo Corbo about how many 5 year olds you can take in a fight and Matteo could take on eighty-seven 5 year olds. That’s the equivalent of 4 bears and bears are fucken mad strong although one must admit, the result did not surprise me as he is such a tough cunt that he is suing the makers of Scarface for copyright infringement as they did not get authorization to make his life story. The legend that is Corbo received 2 red cards and 3 yellows during his time here and spent a third of the season suspended which is just a honour to his one-man mission to take soccer away from the modern day footballer who owns a timeshare at the snowy slopes of Brokeback Mountain and give it back to the real men of this world whose knuckles have swollen to the size of tumours from repeatedly punching the previously mentioned set of footballers. Alas, Newcastle thought that Corbo’s attempts to not conform to the ethics of a modern football was a bad image for the club and released him at the end of season one. My white friend Rowdy says that he played briefly in Spain before he mysteriously disappeared off the face of the earth but I reckon he’s serving 25 to life after he forgot to factor in the enormous size of his nuts and one night suffocated his wife to death when tea bagging her. Either way, with Corbo’s absence from not only the a-league but the game itself, it symbolises the demise of players of his kind from this code. With the removal of players of his nature, soccer is now as respected as male netball, lawn bowls being played by people who still have their own natural hair colour and lebos. Players should be allowed to store their football studs in the face of their opponents. People must know that the most shameful thing that could happen to a soccer player is to develop arthritis in the hand as it means they can no longer clench their fist to break a person’s nose or hymen. It’s time for soccer to move on over The Hand of God and start to get introduced to The Fist of Judas, The Headlock of Lazarus and The Spinning Roundhouse Kick of Mary Magdalene. It’s time for your face to get reacquainted with the biff. Sadly though, the tragic reality of the game today is that the wimps & sissies have more rights than terrorists. It’s hard to sway the youth over to our movement when the worst thing that happens to wimpy divers nowadays is that they might get photoshopped onto a wet floor sign. Indeed it’s almost impossible to win over the hearts and minds as the corporate world have spun wimpy creatures such as Christiano Ronaldo to the point where they can gross millions off his name alone while the only people making money of Mateo Corbo are the doctors and dentists cashing in on his victims. Despite this, Mateo must be applauded for staying true to himself despite the dilemmas the world puts against him. So to you Mateo, we salute you and your efforts to try and take soccer back for all of us and dedicate this issue of the greatest disappointments of the a-league to the a-league itself for letting a player of your nature leave this land. You may have lost the war but you won the battle for our endearing love.             
jayfc the third wrote on July 04, 2008
Title: ...
FFOFA members, i believe we should be inducting Corbo here into the Hall of Fame as he did get sent off attempting to assassinate Fyfe.
website || jayfc the third wrote on
July 04, 2008
Lying Truth wrote on July 07, 2008
Title: ...
Yeah he can have a spot. Although I hate to reward attemps that fail. But since he has got close, come on down Corbo.
LOL Richard Money, he was a funny character wasn't he. Shit football coach, but what a crackpot he was.
|| Lying Truth wrote on
July 07, 2008
Pathetic wrote on July 22, 2008
Title: ...
Another piece of blog history.
Well this was quite an obscure player to blog on. Only the human beings that pass as fuckwits that reside in 'The Cove' may recognise such a monumental piece of a-league history. Them being long term football fans that knew what a 'NSL' was & not new dawner mainly rugby league faggots like some cynics may suggest. I would like also like to take this opportunity to say that when Miron Bleiberg comes back into the a-league my cock will be permanently hard. Keep it up ( the blogging & not my penis ).
website || Pathetic wrote on
July 22, 2008
|
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|